Hello and welcome, digital friends!
This week’s poem was an exercise in writing for me. What does that mean, PS?
- First, I wanted to write something with strong emotional resonance.
- Second, I wanted to use traditional AABB CCDD rhyme scheme to create atmosphere
- Third, I wanted to use only single syllable words. Why? Because it’s hard.
I am one of those writers who, once these silly self-imposed rules are established, tries to stay within the lines… until I can’t.
I got really close on this one.
Arguably, you may find one or two variances on the single syllable goal. And I intentionally broke the rhyme scheme for what I felt was better dramatic effect… just one time.
As to the emotional resonance, well, my dear friends, that is what I am hoping you tell me. Did it hit the mark?
As always, please leave me your thoughts, reactions, and feelings about the poem in the Comments Section below.
-PS Conway ☘️ ☘️ ☘️
☘️ ☘️ ☘️ ☘️ ☘️
chill of the sand on my feet
damp night sand glides wet through my toes
each step down the beach rich in the glow
from stars who guide me ‘neath faint light
next to the sea, no one in sight
no one save for my thoughts of you
as real as if you were here with me too
i squeeze my hand and you are there
a dream no more, an earth-bound prayer
your eyes search mine, “love, hold me close,
i am so cold, kiss me sweet on the nose,
let me know that warmth still has reign
let me know that life yet holds no pain.”
i catch my breath and pull you near
so moved i need to push back the tears
which seek to tell me this all is a lie
which seek to tell me it’s ok to cry
to let you go, your path has been laid
but how do i leave all the plans we had made?
how do i live while half of me fades?
how oh how will i e’er go on?
“love does not die,” you say so hushed,
truth like a slap, my face feels flushed
as you go, i pray you might feel this heat
which masks the chill of the sand on my feet.
What a beautiful but sad love poem. I was there with you, following your footprints in the cold sand. I witnessed that moment of grief, the reality of truth.
Such love is everlasting indeed. Your words truly evoked a powerful emotional response, I love the traditional rhyme scheme.
So look forward to your weekend poems
Thank you 🙏☘️
Absolutely beautiful commentary, Sandie. Thank you so much, my friend, for taking the time to read my weekend poems. Cheers 🍷🌹🙏🏻✨
A beautiful job all the way around! A loving story, yet so sad! A success at generating a powerful emotional response because I could feel the love she felt, and then, the grief she felt in her loss! Superb attempt at keeping to the rhyme scheme! And your goal to stick to one syllable words was all but successful! I couldn’t notice that there was one word that wasn’t one syllable. It flowed beautifully. Awesome job!
Cheers, PS 🥂 love this comment and so appreciative for the specific feedback. Thank you. 🙏🏻🌹✨
This is truly heartbreaking Pat. 💔 The narrator clings to the delusion that his lover is still alive. He is longing for the warmth of human touch while the beach is so cold. The ending shocks us back into the harsh reality of loneliness and grief. Bittersweet and beautiful.
Ahh Naomi. Bittersweet and beautiful – I will lovingly accept those descriptors. Thanks, my friend! 🙏🏻🌹🍷✨